You probably didn’t think I would come through with this travelogue the same way you didn’t think I was in the 95th percentile of ice skaters. Hopefully this essay inspires you to never doubt me again. And if this doesn’t do it, just wait for the TED Talk. It’s coming soon.
Day 1: Helena > Boiling River > West Yellowstone
I planned on driving straight to Salt Lake City on my first day, but Maddy and Val encouraged me to make a detour to the Boiling River, which I’m immensely grateful for. I was there on a weekday so I didn’t have to share the water with more than a handful of people. No photos because my phone died.
I planned on staying at a Forest Service Campground along my route to Salt Lake City, but I didn’t account for the fact that they were all covered in +2ft of snow. I ended up sleeping in a turnout just outside of West Yellowstone. Lack of planning proved to be a recurring theme in my sleeping accommodations.
Day 2: Salt Lake City > Forest Service Campground
I woke up in the dark to a -15°F morning. Did you know memory foam freezes? So do rubber soles and the leather on my boots…Thankfully my sleeping bag, jacket, and all my blankets kept me warm enough to make getting out of bed comically uncomfortable instead of frostbittenly painful.
I got to Salt Lake City midday and found a tea house to drink matcha in until I came up with a plan.
I walked to Temple Square to do the Mormon thing and ended up staying much longer than I planned. All of the buildings were staffed by 19-20-something-year-old women on mission who were eager to answer all my questions. I kept asking about the lack of art until I was directed to a mural one of the missionaries told me rivaled the Sistine Chapel.
I was hoping to stay with a friend in Salt Lake City, who was living there for a physical therapy clinical, but I didn’t reach out to her until the morning of, so I wasn’t all that surprised when she got back to me at 5pm saying this was the only night she couldn’t host me. Oh well, it’s not like my sleeping situation could get any worse than the previous night.
I drove two hours south to find a poorly plowed ranch access road that supposedly led to a Forest Service Campground. After a rough couple of miles, the plowed road was replaced by one buried in snow so I decided to turn around. In the final third of my three-point turn, my truck sank in. I was stuck…without a shovel, and the undercarriage of the truck bottomed out on snow. Luckily my 4-inch camp frying pan was readily accessible. After an hour of digging, spinning tires, laughing at myself, and occasional stargazing, I was FREE! I found a pull-off a few miles back down the road that I should have stopped at the first time I passed it and went to bed knowing tomorrow night I wouldn’t make the same mistake.
Day 3: Capitol Reef National Park > Forest Service Road
I woke up to the sound of tires crunching on snow, probably the rancher who owned the driveway I slept in. This morning’s wake up temperature was a comparatively sweaty 15°F. I had breakfast on the road, oatmeal + a splash of water that I thawed between my legs, and made it to Capitol Reef National Park before the ice in my Nalgene fully melted.
I had never heard of Capitol Reef before this trip, but it was only an hour detour on my way to Bryce Canyon so I felt obligated to stop. In hindsight, I wish I stayed here a second day because the hiking was spectacular, and I had the park to myself.
I hiked a trail that led to a hidden arch, supposedly the only one in a National Park you can walk on. I managed to see the arch, but I’m not sure if I actually made it on top. I found a sunny spot to nap at halfway through, and keeping with the motif of this trip, I got lost on my way down and gained a better appreciation for why this area was designated as a “reef”.
I left Capitol Reef in the late afternoon so I could get an early start in Bryce the next morning. I found a snow packed Forest Service Campground a few miles outside of Bryce Canyon and camped along the access road with no issues.
Day 4: Bryce Canyon > Flagstaff
I woke up to a 20°F morning, but by the time I got into Bryce Canyon the temperature dropped to 9°F. Most of the park roads were closed, and thick ice completely covered all the trails that steeply descended into the canyon. Even with crampons the hikes didn’t seem worth the struggle.
I was limited to a few overlook points and didn’t spend as much time in the park as I had planned because I could only manage to stand around in the windy, sub-freezing weather for so long. Despite this I didn’t feel like the limited park access detracted from my experience; seeing National Parks in the off-season offered a unique perspective that I would have overlooked if the park was filled with people.
Driving south, the temperature rose to a pleasant 50°F that felt even warmer with the sun shining brightly. The landscape leveled out just as I finished my podcast series, Alice Isn’t Dead, which feels like required listening on a road trip of any significant duration.
I try not to make recommendations frequently so that when I do they carry more weight. This surreal audio diary road trip podcast is something I have no hesitation about endorsing!
While the cold weather kept the smell down, by my fourth day without bathing I could feel the minerals and brain-eating microbes from the Boiling River caked on my body. Driving along Lake Powell, I was repeatedly tempted to go for a swim and rinse off but continued to talk myself out of washing off.
I stopped at a tea house in Flagstaff late in the day and intended to grab something to eat at the Whole Foods next door before getting back on the road and driving toward the Petrified Forest. After chatting with the owner and a server for a few hours, I decided to spend the evening in Flagstaff and visit Sedona the next day.
I scouted out a number of Forest Service Campgrounds on my phone from the comfort of a brewery. A load of highly reviewed campsites appeared to be conveniently located on the road to Sedona; however, I didn’t pay attention to the dates that the sites were reviewed and by the third locked gate, I assumed the remaining half dozen campgrounds were also closed for the winter season. I turned around and drove back to Flagstaff in the dark to find my Plan Z free campsite, a road at the base of a Naval Observatory hill that already hosted some RV and tent campers.
Day 5: Sedona > City Park in New Mexico
I was up well before the sunrise and drove an hour south to Sedona for an early morning hike. The first place I tried, the Amitabha Stupa and Peace Park, opened at 9am, so I drove on to the Devil’s Bridge Trailhead. Still with no hint of sunlight, I set out with my headlamp and wandered along a dry riverbed.
I made it to the arch just after sunrise and was unsurprisingly the only person on the trail. On my way back down I could tell that the trail was filling up, and by the time I got back to my car, the parking lot was full. I decided to check out the Peace Park before visiting downtown Sedona.
If you’ve ever been to the Garden of One Thousand Buddhas outside of Missoula, then I’d describe this shrine as its desert twin. Hundreds of Tibetan Prayer Flags hung from the bent and twisted trees. In various states of decay, the flags waved along the trails leading to and from the stupa. Nearby people tucked themselves into the shade of the low trees to meditate.
After both my hikes, I headed downtown to get a coffee and look around. If I had more money and time, the town would have been an ideal place to experience various forms of spiritual and physical healing. Massages. Yoga Retreats. Aura Readings. It felt like a boardwalk for all things new age. Since crystal shops and palm readings aren’t really my scene, I escaped the energy vortex of Sedona and enjoyed the scenic road that I missed on my predawn drive down to the city.
By mid afternoon it was +60°F. I wasn’t overly sweaty from hiking, but I could definitely smell myself. I noticed a river that flowed along the side of the road with loads of Forest Service Picnic Areas to park at. I lucked out and picked one that was empty. I undressed and splashed down in the river. After floating around for a few minutes, I got out and put my pants back on just as a German couple rolled in. They said “hi” and left immediately. I imagine they were more scared of me than I was of them.
I drove east and stopped two hours beyond Albuquerque. Tonight’s campground was the sketchiest one yet, a city park less than a mile from the highway with a hand painted “Free Overnight Parking” sign. Needless to say I was the only one parked there.
Day 6 & 7: St. Louis
Day 6 was nothing but driving. On the road just after 5am, I filled my day with phone calls and audiobooks. 13 hours later, I arrived in St. Louis and spent the night with my mom’s college roommate.
The next day my mom’s old roommate gave me a tour of St. Louis. We visited an animal sanctuary and St. Louis’ free zoo. So much walking, but it was a beautiful sunny day so I felt like I was undoing the damage from sitting in the car the previous day. Later in the afternoon we went up the arch which felt like a monument to retrofuturism. Initially I was ready to skip this attraction, but I’m glad I stopped in.
Day 8 & 9: Pennsylvania > Connecticut
Day 7 & 8 were both dedicated to driving.
Jury Duty Update
I was not selected. They didn’t even bring me in for an interview!
Dave Tortora 